6 months into my diet
Every time I went to my fridge there it was staring right at me: my 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th stone certificates. I’m a few pounds short of my 5th stone loss. However, I have started to slip slightly. I’m finding things tough; I’ve started a new job, working more hours and I have struggled to plan my meals properly, mainly my lunchtime meals. I need to be more prepared and take something into work but as I keep saying, I have come this far and I am not giving up.
Going through this weight loss journey has made me question my relationship with “food”. Why do I find it such a comfort? I knew where and how it started. Was it time I dealt with the tragic time I went through as a child? Was I ready to face it and talk?
‘Maybe we’ll save that for another time,’ I thought. Let’s just push it back to where it has been through most of my childhood… pushed right back there in a box in my mind. I was not ready to open that box, but I know I’ll have to at some point.
My girlfriends would plan a night out; I always loved a good girlie night, once I was out!!! But the lead up to it was awful. Boy, did I have some tears in the changing rooms trying to find something lovely to wear, something modern like what my friends would be wearing. But they were a size 10 or 12 – the nice clothes stopped at a size 16. However, this time getting into a size 22 was a nice feeling. All my size 28 clothes had been bagged up and sent to the charity shop. ‘Bloody hell, one day I will be a size 14,’ I thought!!
I’ve never wanted to be super slim but I would love to have a womanly figure.
“I will get that figure one day.”
I never shared with my friends Jo, Sara and Lesley how I felt at that time; they always thought I was the “life and soul of the party”. Again, it was something I pushed aside, but inside I would feel so broken. I would do my hair, put my lippy on, have a few drinks for Dutch courage of course, and then let the party get started!
We would always have a good night and they were great friends. I have been blessed to have so many lovely, kind, supportive friends but if I hear one more time: “Oh, don’t worry about your weight, you’ve got such a pretty face”… I’m going to punch someone!!!
Come on, that 5 stone is within my reach!!
