Do you lie awake next to your partner at night wondering whether you are really happy being with this person?
How do you know if you are in the right Relationship?
Do you lie awake next to your partner at night wondering whether you are really happy being with this person?
This can often happen when things aren’t going so well. Maybe you have just had a blazing row and don’t really like him right now – and in fact at the moment your feelings could be even stronger than that! Or perhaps things haven’t been going right for a few months, or even – years! You lie there with lots of jumbled thoughts going through your head, piling up all those negatives about him and your relationship. Thinking about all his bad habits, all the things he hasn’t done or said. All the bad points about your relationship. Because those negative things are more likely to be uppermost in your mind right now. You couldn’t begin to think about anything positive. It probably wasn’t like that at the start.
For most couples the beginning of a relationship is really intense. During that Romantic stage, the honeymoon period, you are the centre of each other’s attention, each focussed on the other. You could only see the positives in each other and a rosy future together. A place where all your dreams and fantasies would come true.
I know it was for me. A cottage in the country, roses round the door and four children playing happily in the garden with my adoring husband by my side. As wonderful as this stage is, it doesn’t last. When reality kicked in you begin to notice his irritating habits that seemed to have developed overnight – surely they weren’t there at the beginning. You may even begin to experience doubts as to whether this is a sustainable relationship, as arguments become more frequent or communication breaks down. You begin to grow further apart, physical contact lessens, you don’t cuddle as much and kisses become a cursory peck. Maybe your sex life dwindles, as you begin to feel taken for granted, ignored even and you may not fancy him anymore.
Just stop a moment!
While you are lying there listing all the negatives about your partner, stop – and for a few minutes, ask yourself what you really want from a relationship. What are the qualitied and values you are looking for in a partner. Now, ask yourself if those values and qualities are evident in this relationship? Physical attraction can be an important factor, but so are honesty, loyalty and kindness, as well as several others. So it’s vital to ask yourself whether your core values and beliefs are in line with those of this guy sleeping soundly next to you. Whether deep down you have the solid foundations of a relationship.
List all the positives
So whilst you are compiling the damning list of things he hasn’t done, picking at that irritating scab of discontent, you probably missed out all the things he does do – the nice things about him and your relationship and you have probably forgotten your irritating habits and the things you don’t do. When we feel disgruntled, we human beings go straight to the negatives, so spend a few minutes considering the positives and the good times you have together. Then, think about what you can do to move your relationship forward.
Talk to each other
If things are going wrong, the only people who can resolve them are you. I know it’s so easy to avoid difficult issues in the hope they will go away, but they aren’t going anywhere. If you don’t know how to broach the subject read my article in the April Issue of Mama Life – ‘How to Fix Communication in Your Relationship’. It contains some great tips.
Hopefully you can resolve the issues that are keeping you awake in the wee small hours and instead you can cuddle up together and sleep soundly, with the knowledge that this was just a bump in the road, which every relationship experiences at some time.
However, if after taking all the above steps, you are still unhappy and tossing and turning night after night, perhaps it’s time to consider whether you are in the right relationship.
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From Surviving to Thriving in a Romantic Relationship
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